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International Monday Recovery Day

Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.

Because Monday mornings are basically a weekly natural disaster that deserves its own emergency protocol.

Let me introduce you to International Monday Recovery Day โ€“ the holiday we all desperately need but society refuses to give us.


Here’s how it works: Every Monday is automatically a holiday. No questions asked. You stay home, wear pajamas all day, and spend quality time with your family. Maybe watch movies together, have a leisurely breakfast, or just collectively complain about how Mondays are the worst.


But wait, there’s more! This holiday comes with a special clause: the Flexible Torment Provision. If Tuesday suddenly feels like Monday? Holiday. Wednesday giving you grief? Holiday declared! Any day that torments your soul gets immediate holiday status.


Critics might say, “But then nobody would ever work!” To which I say: Exactly. That’s the whole point.
How to celebrate: Sleep in. Ignore your alarm. Spend time with loved ones. Eat breakfast foods for every meal. The rules are simple because thinking is also torment, and we don’t do that on holidays.


Happy International Monday Recovery Day, everyone! See you never on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or… you know what? Just text me when it’s the weekend.

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